Before I begin, I’ll start with a few questions:
1. You mention Good Men a lot in your blog post. From your perspective and opinion, how would you define a “good man”?
2. If you work full-time and don’t go to bars (and other than baseball games), where do you think would be a good spot to meet men? Are you actively approaching men?
3. What is your education level? I’m asking because from the research I’ve read( I read this stuff all of the time due to my profession) and from anecdotal experiences working in a field that is female dominated; it seems that the higher the educational level, the more likely a woman is to remain single – or rather, their potential dating pool becomes smaller due to their unwillingness to date men who are not “at their level” in terms of education. Anecdotal; I tried to set up a date with one of my friends who is a trades-person and who already owns their own house at 28, is debt free, and is a welder and pipe-fitter. He’s also 6″1, a gorgeous man, and is extremely funny. My colleague had one date with him and said that she wanted someone with a Masters Degree – literally. It wasn’t that he didn’t earn enough money(He’s pulling in $130,000 a year last time I heard, which is more than double her salary!), wasn’t intelligent or witty, or wasn’t handsome: it came down to his level of education. Again, there’s a lot of research out there indicating that women rarely date across educational lines, regardless of salary – which mystifies me to no end, especially when in the same breath they complain incessantly about not finding a good man.
Outcome: He got married to a woman a year later who was nearly a decade younger than him and completing her nursing school – they now have two beautiful children.
My story:
I’m 30 and living in North America. I’ve traveled extensively, I’m tall, I’m in shape, have college diploma and am about to finish my degree. I dress well, get complimented on my looks (way more than in my early 20’s!) and am loving life. I have many hobbies, enjoy the outdoors, and read a lot. I have a dream career with benefits, full-time flex hours, and I absolutely adore what I’m doing and where I am and headed in life. I have zero debt, a lot of savings, and am emotionally, mentally, and financially stable. My goal is to build a home, mortgage-free on my property, and I’m about to hit it. Here’s the catch: It’s still not good enough for women my age – and I’ve given up altogether.
Here’s why I’ve given up on women my age:
-Already married. The “Good Women” have already married “The Good Men”. This is the number one reason why we’re having trouble finding these unicorns. We’ve waited too long and the unicorns are gone.
-Ridiculous standards. I could rant about this for ages but I’m not wasting my time.
-Most are single mothers. I don’t have anything against single mothers (I was raised by an incredible woman – thanks mom!) but I’m simply not ready or willing to raise a child that isn’t my own. I don’t want to get attached to a child or raise them and have no parental rights if we break up. I’m thinking about the kid too – I don’t want them to have any more abandonment issues or confusion than they already have from their first divorce.
-Most are out of shape: They smoke, drink wine and coolers constantly – They’re essentially functioning alcoholics. It almost seems that women drink more than men these days! The women I know and are friends with that are aged 28-35 seem to be constantly posting about their drunken adventures, many times a week, on work-nights. This may seem judgy, and maybe I’m getting old and boring, but heh.
-Debt levels. They’re all broke! I used to work in finance – taking on that kind of debt is extremely risky, especially when my region has some of the highest levels of divorce in the nation. I’m not marrying someone who has that level of debt, both consumer and student loans.
-As shitty as this sounds – and this doesn’t apply to you – you’re quite attractive and don’t seem to be the type who eats cheetos in bed and gets shitfaced at bars on the regular. Ok, anyway, with all of the stress associated with the lifestyle choices listed above; They appear old. They appear unhappy. They appear unapproachable.
What I’m doing about this:
1. I date younger women. I can’t help it. If someone looks approachable and I’m attracted to them, I’ll ask them out. My dating life is actually far, far better than it was in my early 20’s.
2. I stopped caring so much. Women don’t define my happiness, however, a “good woman” could potentially enhance it. I stopped seeking validation from others – doesn’t matter what gender. I have far too many friends to hang out with, places to go, and things to do to really actively seek out companionship. Relaxing.
3. I can’t risk marriage. Not in this economy. Not in this climate. I have far too much to lose and it’s simply not worth it. My father’s been divorced twice and the poor fucker’s been taken to the cleaners twice. Just no. I’m not religious. I don’t care about getting hitched in a church. It means nothing to me. I’m a feminist and the institution of marriage is oppressive to both men and women. Thanks Trudeau!
4. I’m content “alone”. Again, I’m not in a relationship, but I’m not alone. I have an exciting life and I’m living it to the fullest.
5. Still dating, but making it clear to potential dates of my motivations. I believe that setting boundaries and defining expectations is solid. I attended a SlutWalk and was empowered by women not to be shamed about my sex life. Thank you feminism!
A couple of tips, coming from someone who’s about your age:
– Approach men.
Fin.
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Originariamente Scritto da magen1
